12 Days left and a look at AI Season One

In the Wink of Justin:

It was the hair, I tell you, the hair. The hair made me hate Justin Guarini and everything this talentless tyrant stood for. Why, in the Age of Hair Product and Scissors, does one chose to wear their hair like the Holy orb on Christ's head? There are few mortal men who can wear their tresses so absurdly, and for the love of God, if your name does not start with "Lenny" and end in "Kravitz" I do not need to see poodle poof.




He could have stopped at the hair. He could have left me, and the rest of the American television viewing public, alone, but he continuted with his abuse and introduced every young adult under the age of 500 to the Wink/Head Nod Gesture(W/N, for short). That Bastard. With every W/N I wanted to take his tiny nuts and squeeze with my abnormally strong girl hands. I always liked to imagine that some ghostly presence was smacking the back of his head, twenty, thirty times a song, causing an involuntary nod and eye spasm but it was too hard to get the truth out of my mind. Here he was, in the flesh, that annoying guy from your choir class who had not yet decided to "come out" and tried to faux seduce the girls with his bland brand of neo-Sinatraism. No one could get him off the TV. Fuck Him.

My friend, Amanda, was working at a local TV station in Philadelphia the autumn after the first Idol. She had the distinguished honor of meeting and interviewing Justin (albeit for her own personal home video for family and friends). She revealed to me that in person he was much less attractive (Was this possible? Uglier? Who knows, this is second hand knowledge, folks.) According to my friend, in real life, Justin was awkward, skinny, gaunt and had acne. Sure this was about five years ago, but I can still hope that its true...and he was making up for his lack of genetically superior qualities by playing a false bravado with minimal singing ability.

Last I heard of Justin was the shocking news that his label dumped him like a heavy load after Thanksgiving dinner. I would love to wish Justin good luck in his future endeavors, but, all that is swimming around in my mind's eye right now is a barely twenty year old gay boy winking at me trying to make me fall in love with him. I can't wish that good luck.

Crystal