We Know, We are Disappointing

So I promised something I couldn't deliver on. This is not the first time, and may not be the last. As this was an incredibly busy and stressful week for both of us, we have lagged on the show that is most important to us. I will give you my thoughts from Tuesday night's Idol and next week we will show our amazing resiliance and bring you something much, much better...

Anyways here go...

This season of American Idol has Simon all in a tuft. I do not envy his job of sitting through endless hours of talentless ne're do wells with only the solace of a washed up ex-dancer and the Dawg Master, Randy. Poor Simon. It must be hard being rich and having to do something you don’t want to. I know I would be in a tuft in his spot too. Well. Let’s just get on with tonight’s embarrassments.

Go Home and Have a Smoke, Mon
What was the best part about Alexia “Die-lan” Linchetta? Was it the ridiculously obvious dread wig? Nope. Was it the ridiculously obvious fake Jamacian accent? Nope. Was it the fact that the Three Disciples saw through his gimmick within the matter of seconds? Nope. The best part is that Dylan cried. Yeah, I know its mean but I don’t care. He wasted valuable moments of my time with his routine and I won’t feel sorry for him because it didn’t work out. Hopefully he learned his lesson.

Déjà vu
So that Krazy Beotch Bobbie Maye showed up again, you remember her right? She was on last year predicting that she would make it onto AI because she was a psychic. And not a charlatan, she was for-reals psychic. She was just having an off night. This year I predicted she was back to make another Giant Ass of herself, and you know what? I think I’ve got the gift. She through us for a loop though, she was back to bring her boring, expressionless, tone deaf sister Erica Davis to the audition. What a treat! See you next year, Bobbie!

****Best Moment of the Night****
After Bobbie told them that she would definitely see everyone next year, Simon pleaded, “No, please don’t come back! Can’t you just watch it next year?” I love that man.

I’m Bored With You
Ryan Hart with any luck, if you keep doing your “singing,” you will lose your voice without any hope of getting it back by the age of 28. It’s going to be a long, hard ten years for your friends, buuut, I’m guessing you don’t have many anyway.

Translations
David Mandzak says: “I have a lot of energy and heart.”
Translation: “I have no singing ability.”
Paula Abdul says: “I really enjoyed your performance.”
Translation: “I really enjoyed laughing at you.”

Just…gah…Deport Him
So Haggai Yedidya wants not only to be an American but wants to be the American Idol. I might find this whole thing endearing if he hadn’t sang my most hated song in the History of Songs, “I’m Proud to be an American.” I HATE THAT SONG. Sorry, Haggai. Talk to your American friends to find out what’s cool next time.

The Queen is Dead
So Princess Brewer describes her voice as sounding like Aretha Franklin. I had no idea the Queen of Soul sounded that bad. I feel like we’ve all been duped somewhere. Off with her head!


The Grey Idol
You know what? I like Taylor Hicks. I do not like his grey hair because I feel like if girls have to dye their hair, then, so should boys. I do not like his Ray Charles meets Joe Cocker dance impression. I don’t like that he sings out of his mouth like a Muppet. BUT, he has a tremendous singing voice and ANYONE who sings Sam Cooke that well is going to be on my good side. I am going to hope he goes far in this competition just because I want to hear him sing. Is it possible to just listen to the American Idol without actually having to look at them?